Soulmate(s)

How do you know if you’ve met your soulmate? How do you know that this is “the one”?

I believe you have numerous soulmates and that everyone that walks into your life for a reason, a purpose and a lesson.

Some good, some bad.

How does love get stale? How come it’s so easy to just give up and pull out instead of fighting for what you want. Maybe because I have no idea what I want anymore.

I thought I had everything I’ve ever wanted, but now the picture is blurry. I can’t see straight. Am I at another fork in the road? So many directions I don’t know where to go. Left, right, straight. Everything I’ve worked for the past year do I throw away for something new? Will I always be questioning the “what if’s” instead of living by that everything happens for a reason.

For the first time in a long time, I just don’t know what I want.

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Sister, sister.

I know you’ll read this.

Thank you for always being my biggest pain in the butt and my biggest fan.

I love you.

I can’t remember my exact thoughts when they brought you home, as I was only six. But I want to say it was jealousy, maybe envy, confused and happy. I was always the only girl and I always wanted a sister then when you were home and everyone came to the house it was so see you, the beautiful brand new little girl.

You got the crappy end of the stick growing up. Mom and dad splitting when you were still young but old enough to know about a split home. Having to handle babysitters so mom could work. Not having your dad around. Getting close to people then having them leave.

As the years went by it was clear to us and everyone else we were (and still are) so different. I would get mad at you for taking over the spotlight on home videos, or popping my barbies heads off but I always loved you.

I loved how whenever I needed a friend you were always there to come with me shopping or eating or just drive around. I took you for granted. We have said mean things to each other, have hurt each other in the past, tend to get irritated with each other (we make up quickly). I made a lot of dumb stupid choices in high school and wasn’t the best role model for you to look up to.

The choices I made when I moved away weren’t any better. I was gone away for your entire high school life and as hard as that was, I think it was the best for you. You were able to become everything I wasn’t. You wouldn’t have me around making fun of you for wanting to be involved out of jealousy cause I didn’t. You were top of your class. Involved with the school and having fun. Unlike your big sister in her days, chasing the parties on the weekends instead of studying for her finals. I’m proud of you.

I know I’ve still been away for most of your adulthood but take a minute and look how far you’ve come and how you have done it. I can’t express in words how proud I am of you. I don’t think you actually see how amazing you are to not only me but to others also. I know you get frustrated, annoyed, so many people have let you down but you always manage to rise above. Remember to not push everyone away. I know it can be easier but one day you will regret it. Trust me.

Looking back now I am so happy that they brought you home 21 years ago. Throughout our years of ups, downs, punches and name calling I wouldn’t have a loyal, intelligent, amazing best friend and sister.

I’m always an iMessage, FaceTime or phone call away. Or a plane ride.

Love you always.