Soulmate(s)

How do you know if you’ve met your soulmate? How do you know that this is “the one”?

I believe you have numerous soulmates and that everyone that walks into your life for a reason, a purpose and a lesson.

Some good, some bad.

How does love get stale? How come it’s so easy to just give up and pull out instead of fighting for what you want. Maybe because I have no idea what I want anymore.

I thought I had everything I’ve ever wanted, but now the picture is blurry. I can’t see straight. Am I at another fork in the road? So many directions I don’t know where to go. Left, right, straight. Everything I’ve worked for the past year do I throw away for something new? Will I always be questioning the “what if’s” instead of living by that everything happens for a reason.

For the first time in a long time, I just don’t know what I want.

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Sister, sister.

I know you’ll read this.

Thank you for always being my biggest pain in the butt and my biggest fan.

I love you.

I can’t remember my exact thoughts when they brought you home, as I was only six. But I want to say it was jealousy, maybe envy, confused and happy. I was always the only girl and I always wanted a sister then when you were home and everyone came to the house it was so see you, the beautiful brand new little girl.

You got the crappy end of the stick growing up. Mom and dad splitting when you were still young but old enough to know about a split home. Having to handle babysitters so mom could work. Not having your dad around. Getting close to people then having them leave.

As the years went by it was clear to us and everyone else we were (and still are) so different. I would get mad at you for taking over the spotlight on home videos, or popping my barbies heads off but I always loved you.

I loved how whenever I needed a friend you were always there to come with me shopping or eating or just drive around. I took you for granted. We have said mean things to each other, have hurt each other in the past, tend to get irritated with each other (we make up quickly). I made a lot of dumb stupid choices in high school and wasn’t the best role model for you to look up to.

The choices I made when I moved away weren’t any better. I was gone away for your entire high school life and as hard as that was, I think it was the best for you. You were able to become everything I wasn’t. You wouldn’t have me around making fun of you for wanting to be involved out of jealousy cause I didn’t. You were top of your class. Involved with the school and having fun. Unlike your big sister in her days, chasing the parties on the weekends instead of studying for her finals. I’m proud of you.

I know I’ve still been away for most of your adulthood but take a minute and look how far you’ve come and how you have done it. I can’t express in words how proud I am of you. I don’t think you actually see how amazing you are to not only me but to others also. I know you get frustrated, annoyed, so many people have let you down but you always manage to rise above. Remember to not push everyone away. I know it can be easier but one day you will regret it. Trust me.

Looking back now I am so happy that they brought you home 21 years ago. Throughout our years of ups, downs, punches and name calling I wouldn’t have a loyal, intelligent, amazing best friend and sister.

I’m always an iMessage, FaceTime or phone call away. Or a plane ride.

Love you always.

Inspire.

The other night at my yoga class drifting off into the meditation world, the teacher said this quote to the class.

(SADLY I CANNOT REMEMBER THE EXACT QUOTE TO POST)

It was about doing something you love. As she was saying it I remember thinking to myself (firstly how long are we holding this pose for) and more importantly that is so inspiring. It hit me that I haven’t been so inspired or motivated in such a long time that I forgot how great of a feeling it was. Like a super power has taken over my body and I was ready to be in control. How can you expect yourself to change something how motivate others if you’re slacking in your own self inspiration.

I guess all the answers I may have been looking for was that Monday night on my yoga mat.

To whoever may read this,

Stay beautiful. Stay kind. Use your magic to make the world a better place. Use your inner powers to inspire yourself and those around you.

XO

Laughter IS the best medicine.

After my previous post I would like to inform you guys my mood has changed..

Maybe I had a better sleep last night, or maybe my morning coffee had extra pep or maybe I worked extra hard at the gym.

I 100% think it was because my sister and I (after I received her beautiful parcel in the mail) had one of those laugh so hard you cry moments. You know when you’re with your people and something only your circle understands and just finds so hilarious you laugh so hard until you’re in pain? And everything within that moment just goes out that window because of whatever happened that was so funny has your mind fully occupied. That anything that happened before that was so irrelevant and didn’t bother you so much because all those giggles cured you. Those are the littlest moments we need to grab and hold onto and cherish.

I can’t explain to you our conversation in what was SO funny because to you reading this A) would have no clue the hilarious of the situation and B) would think we are loopy.

ALWAYS ALWAYS remember to smile because I believe they are contagious and can change a persons day around. Tell a joke wherever you can. Make someone laugh. Say hello to a stranger.

SPREAD POSITIVE ENERGY.

Be optimistic.

Choose to be happy.

Photo from: American Hippy

Job. Career. Dreams.

The best Advice from my dad:

“You spend majority of your life at work. If you’re doing something you love then it’s not a job.”

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I’m not the only one who has no idea what they want to do with their life career wise but hey I have a variety of ideas.

I put so much pressure on myself to have this beautiful journey of “life” sorted out. Honestly growing up I always thought come 25 I would be starting my family, owning my own home and already married.

WELL NEWS FLASH!

I’m actually SO happy that was not how my life ended up.

I’ve studied 3 courses in college and I am not using any of those skills I paid for with everyday life, but I have so many memories looking back and I truly believe all those memories have helped shaped me into who I am today.

From reading my previous posts we know I’m a waitress and I do 100% know I want out of hospitality. I need a change. A break. A whole new ballgame. I want to expand my brain. Keep me interested. Push myself. Challenge.

Unfortunately not a lot of people will either A) hire me on a working visa and B) hire you without any experience.

So here I am… coming into the end of 2017 and ready to take on a fresh start with 2018. Ready to study online. Ready to really think my options and see what I want to try. Well… I’m the most indecisive human I know. I’m at another crossroad after making pros and cons lists on where to start and what to do.

My mom always pushed me into the direction of college and after completing Social work, Sales and Health care I need to leave her out of my career decision making dilemma.

Something I always wanted to do was communications and plan events or be a spokesperson for a massive industry that helps encourage the world to be a better place. But I don’t want to be in my 30s starting at the bottom of the chain (again with the age vs life’s pressures). Or what about being a journalist I love to write ( “that’s a dead end job”). Something that has become my newer hobby Yoga..why not start yoga Instructing (“there isn’t any money in that it should stay your hobby”).

I.give.up

(Not actually, obvi)

I guess we will have to hold tight and see what the rest of 2017 takes me and begin to be ready for 2018…at this moment in time it’s all a mystery.

Summer is coming.

YES! Here comes the hot days, the sunshine, warmth, longer days and unfortunately the times where the beach is our favourite place to hangout.

Now ladies and gentleman aswell, we have all been there. BIKINI SEASON FEELS! Ughh.

Why must there be so much pressure when we go to the beach to relax. For me personally, I can be so guilty of wondering what I look like at the beach.

Can you see my rolls? Yuck is that cellulite? Oh she has a great body, she looks awesome., yuck back fat..gross

Then I end up leaving because I’ve stressed myself out with all these thoughts instead of saying IDGAF I am here to enjoy the sun and ocean.

Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. There is no such thing as the perfect look. Beauty is within.

We should all love ourself a and practice self love. Be happy with whom we are and be so grateful that we are alive.

So for anyone out there who may be FREAKING out that bikini season is upon us (in Australia), stay calm. Enjoy your summer. Please remember your sunscreen. To those out there rocking a one piece, a bikini, a Speedo PROPS TO YOU ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL LEGENDS

XX

Homesick.

Growing up I was the girl who wouldn’t last a night being away from her home. Would be right before bed at even my beautiful grandmas house and I needed to go home. Girl Scouts, brownies, even my best friends cottage NOPE. I would have any excuse like I think my mom needs me, I miss my dog, I need to go floss my teeth anything to be at home in the comfort of my family.

The age of 17 I moved 2 hours away for college, it was rough but I made it. The age of 20, I picked myself up and moved across Canada.

With the intention of only staying six months, I overstated my visit by five years. I stopped visiting home as much, started breaking out of my shell and taking trips to where I always dreamt of.

Now here I am, nearly 27 and living on the other side of the world. I haven’t been home for Christmas since I was 20. I haven’t hugged my mom or my sister in over two years. I haven’t had a meal with my brother in over 3. I haven’t spent time with my dad in what feels like forever.

With all the places I’ve lived and the houses my family have moved into I have no idea where my home is anymore. The traditions I had growing up I have recreated new ones with new people. My friends turned into my family.

I guess coming into the holidays everyone gets a little emotional. I’m just really missing my family today.